Vegeta vs Freud
by SMDSP
Summary: [Complete] What happens when Vegeta has a little sit down with Freud.
1. Part I

Vegeta vs. Freud

Part One

Vegeta calmly walked down the stairs making his way to the kitchen where he would stock up on food for the trip he was taking, although he wished he was training today instead. But he inadvertently blew up the capsule, and it was the last ready made capsule that Doctor Briefs had available, so he had to wait for another one to be built for him. "Damn, useless mechanical junk," he muttered as he pushed his way into the kitchen. "It couldn't stand up to one small Super Vegeta Big Bang blast." He moved toward the gleaming refrigerator that would provide him with sustenance, he had to get out of the house before his mate came home and decided they should spend quality time together. "Damn, quality time."

Bulma rushed into the house clutching a white piece of paper to her breast, as if it was a life saver. She had to show someone, this was the luckiest thing that had ever happened to her--today. Hearing noises from the kitchen area Bulma rushed into it hoping to burden someone else with her new found joy. "Vegeta," called Bulma recognizing the spiked head sticking out of the icebox. "I got it! I won! This is the most exciting thing that has happened to me. I can't believe I won!" she gushed excitedly dancing over to her husband. "I can't believe it! I won!"

She found him. Vegeta groaned and shut the pantry door. "What the hell are you babbling about, woman?" He hoped it wasn't another vacation. She was always entering contests to win vacations. She had enough money, why didn't she just pay for one and go there--without him. "What have you won?" He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the cool metal of the refrigerator.

Bulma danced in front of him and waved the white sheet of paper under his nose. "I won this," she pronounced smugly. "This is a special letter from King Enma, saying that I have won the Freudian Contest."

Vegeta lifted an elegant brow. "What in hell is the Freudian Contest?"

"It was a contest that King Enma was holding that anyone who wanted to enter could win a special day talking with Dr. Freud. And I won." She looked down at the paper again reading the words that she won her day with Freud--well, not her exactly but that didn't matter.

He looked at his mate's face aglow with pure bliss, and felt a tinge of jealously. Who was this Doctor Freud, and why did his mate want to spend the entire day with him? Vegeta glared at the letter. He didn't think it was a good idea to let Bulma spend the day with some strange man he didn't know. "Who is this Dr. Freud that you've won for the day?"

Bulma glanced up from the paper. "Who is Freud? Did you just ask who Freud was?"

Letting out an impatient breath Vegeta glared at her. "Yes. Now, _Who…is…Freud_?"

Bulma turned to walk to the table she didn't think she liked the way Vegeta was glaring at her. Could he have possibly saw when she waved the paper in front of his face. No, he couldn't have, otherwise he would be _really_ angry. "Oh," she shrugged nonchalantly. "He's just the father of psychoanalysis."

Vegeta stared at her for a long time before he lifted his hand to rub his throbbing forehead. "If I remember it right psychoanalysis is what a psychiatrist does." 

Bulma nodded.

Vegeta let a breath of relief. Good he didn't have to kill anyone over her again. The last time he did it she went around thinking she was pure gold. His beautiful mate was entirely too vain. Well now it was time to mess with her a bit. "You came in here dancing around waving and clutching that piece of paper like it held the secret of the universe. And the only thing on it is that you won a trip to see a shrink!" He laughed. "A mind doctor. You truly are a foolish human! Even Kakkarot knows not to be ecstatic about seeing a shrink. Wait until all your friends find out." He continued to laugh at her. "I guess I could say about time."

Bulma glared hotly at Vegeta. How dare he laugh at her. "Well, they won't know that it was me who went to the psychologist, since your name is on the winning letter," she shouted at him over his annoying laughter.

"What?!" roared Vegeta as he stopped laughing and stepped forward menacingly.

"Shit," muttered Bulma as she rose from her chair with the offending letter in hand and quietly backed away from the table to escape as he stalked her with a feline grace. "Vegeta, now don't get angry."

Vegeta backed her into a corner of the kitchen. Anyone who would happen by would think it was a quiet interlude between two lovers--that is if they didn't get a closer look at the quiet fury in Vegeta's eyes. "Why, would I get angry? I know I didn't hear you just say that my name is on your winning letter, did I?"

Bulma looked into Vegeta's burning black eyes, and squeaked out a "yes" making his eyes flare and darken even more. She put a hand to his warm chest. "You see Vegeta, one stipulation of the contest was that you could only enter once, and since I really wanted to win I entered everybody in the household: you, mom, dad, and even Trunks." She gazed up at him with doe-like blue eyes begging for forgiveness. "I just really wanted to win. Besides when we became bonded mates, you told me 'every thing that you possessed I possessed.' Doesn't that include your name?"

Vegeta looked down at her hand and back into her eyes, he didn't know whether to kiss her or wring her neck--probably he should do both it was a win-win situation for him. He listened to her repeat the words he said to her on the day he figured out they were bonded. So she wanted to play semantics, huh? "Yes, I said that, but it didn't include my name."

Bulma batted her eyelashes at her mate hoping to try and turn his mind from the subject at hand. "How was I supposed to know bonding didn't include you name Veggie-chan." She began to draw imaginary circles upon his chest. When his expression didn't change she wrapped her arms around his trim waist and laid her head on his muscular chest. "Veggie-chan?"

His black eyes narrowed at her turquoise head against his chest. He knew what she was trying to do, and it wasn't going to work, well today anyway. "Let me see the paper Bulma," he asked softly.

Feeling like she won this round when Vegeta didn't refer to her as "woman"--she gladly turned over the letter to his waiting hand. "Here, I hope you're not too angry, anata." She reached up and placed a kiss on his cheek.

Vegeta coolly accepted her kiss while he scanned the paper. "The meeting is for this afternoon." He turned away from her and smirked. "I guess I should be going then, I don't want to be late for my appointment."

Bulma snapped her head up, "What do you mean you don't want to be late for your appointment?" She spun him around to face her. "I won the private session with Freud. What could you have to talk with Freud about?" She put her hands on her hips as her blue eyes shot daggers into Vegeta. "That letter belongs to me."

Plastering a bland smile upon his face Vegeta looked down at his mate. "No, the letter belongs to me. It has my name on it: Prince Vegeta, not Bulma Briefs." He opened the letter pointing to his name on the winners line. "See. I won, you didn't. I'm Vegeta and you're a foolish human."

"B--But," stammered Bulma as she watched him fold the letter and stick it inside his glove. "You didn't even know who Freud was or what to talk to him about."

"That's okay," shrugged Vegeta. "I'll think of something when I get there." He moved toward the door. "Thanks for entering me in this contest." He mockingly bowed to her as he left the room.

Bulma stood for several minutes dumbfounded. Her dream of winning the private session with Freud had now turned into a nightmare. A nightmare that went by the name of Vegeta. He wasn't going to cheat her out of her winnings. She bolted for the door. "Wait Vegeta. At least take me with you."

Vegeta secretly smiled to himself. He knew she wouldn't be able to resist coming along. "Fine," he said as he pulled her into her arms. "You can come, but don't interrupt my session."

"Are you really going to go through with this Vegeta?" Bulma tightly wrapped her arms around her husband neck. She wished he'd use one of the capsule cars, but she knew from experience that flying with Vegeta was a lot faster. Plus she liked being in his arms.

"Of course," he said as he powered up with her in his arms. "I won after all. This could be truly enlightening experience."

"For the both of us." Bulma closed her eyes as she felt Vegeta rise up into the air. "This is going to be some interesting quality time."

"Damn quality time," muttered Vegeta as he blasted off toward King Enma's palace.

=====================================================================

End part 1. Created [03/26/01] and Modified [04/13/01]. Don't ask where I got this story from. It just came to me one day in my government class. Wait until Vegeta meets Freud in chapter 2. Please send any and all forms of criticisms to me at: pmchivas@hotmail.com Or leave me a message in the guestbook. Dark Shadow Princess. All standard disclaimers apply. 

****

Lunatics Ravings: 

Anata: means you. But used in this form it means darling or husband.

King Enma: The Japanese ruler of the dead.

Freud: Is the father of psychoanalysis, although it isn't really used much in modern psychology.


	2. Part II

Vegeta vs

Vegeta vs. Freud

Part II

King Enma looked up with a harried expression on his face as another one of his demon personnel put more paperwork to finish on his massive oak desk. "Great, more work. Last I heard there was no threat on Earth right now. How come we're getting so much paperwork Oni?"

Oni the purple one-eyed demon struggled to turn around with the large stack of papers in his hands. "Sire, this is backlogged from when you stopped to help out Vegeta and Goku on Earth."

"Oh, right," sighed the demon king as he looked back to the ever growing stack of papers that were building up on his desk. "It was for a good cause."

"Right, sire," muttered Oni as he moved to exit out the room but he suddenly swiveled back around to the buried king. "Oh, and don't forget that Prince Vegeta is supposed to be coming today to claim his prize."

Blinking the rapidly King Enma turned from his papers. "What prize?" 

"Where he gets to spend the day with Freud." Oni passed his papers to a young blue demon walking pass him. "You promised to give the winner a day to be analyzed by Dr. Freud. And Prince Vegeta won the day."

King Enma groaned. "That's right, well then go get Dr. Freud ready for the session, and when Vegeta arrives take him to the room immediately." He pulled open the bottom drawer at his desk, "Here give this to Vegeta when he arrives. It's a waiver about Freud so we can't be responsible."

Oni looked down at the paper and back at Lord Enma. "Why do we need to provide a waiver?"

"Because Vegeta won, therefore he will be having a private session with Freud." He looked around to make sure no one else was listening in on the conversation. He placed a finger to his lips. "Shhh. Don't you know that Dr. Freud's psychoanalysis stems from the libido."

"The libido," whispered the shocked violet-colored demon. "Is it safe to leave him alone with Prince Vegeta."

King Enma pointed to the paper Oni still held clutched in his hand. "That's why you have to get Prince Vegeta to sign that paper before he has his special consultation with Dr. Freud." 

The demon looked down at the paper in his hand and nodded. "I understand."

****

******************************************************

"_Mou_! Vegeta," complained Bulma as she left her husband's arms. "Did you have to fly so fast." She pulled down the blue dress she was wearing, and tried to repair her hairstyle as best she could without a mirror. "I hope I look all right."

Vegeta snorted and turned away from her. "You look as ugly as you did the day I met you." He straightened the black vest that he was wearing. "Besides I don't believe I asked you to come with me." He walked toward the door leading to King Enma's palace.

Bulma puffed out a breath as she ran to meet up with her arrogant spouse. "You really didn't win this contest. I hope you know this Vegeta."

Vegeta lifted up his hand and banged on the golden and red door. "Of course I did. My name is on the winning letter, ergo I must have won."

"Ergo…" Bulma grumbled and muttered suggestions that Vegeta could do by himself underneath her breath.

"I have very sensitive ears woman," murmured Vegeta as the golden doors slid open. "I can hear every thing that you're muttering about me." He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "One of the things you said I should do isn't really fun without you." 

A highlighting reddish blush spread over Bulma's face. "Really, Vegeta you take all the fun out of my insults when you say things like that."

Vegeta smirked. "Then you shouldn't say things like that, woman. What would Trunks think hearing words like those from his mother?"

A voice cleared his throat. "Prince Vegeta I presume."

Vegeta turned his to see a young green demon standing at the door. "Yes, I've come to redeem my free consultation with Freud."

"Right. Oni has been expecting you," he spun on his heel to walk away. "Please follow me to Oni, Prince Vegeta." He threw an askew look at Bulma, "and guest."

Bulma narrowed blazing blue eyes at the back of the demon's head as she followed Vegeta into the palace. "What does he mean 'and guest'?"

Vegeta gazed at her from the corner of his eye. "Since, they weren't expecting you. And your name isn't on the winners list, but you did arrive with me, that would make you my guest."

"Nani," screeched Bulma in a quiet whisper. "I am _not_ your _guest_. _I am_ your bonded mate--in other words _your wife_."

"A fact that displeases me daily," mumbled Vegeta as they reached an office. "Where the hell have led us to demon." He asked as he looked around the room. One side of the room held a long cerise leather sofa, and the other side sat only an enormous green winged-back cushioned chair. Seated in a chair was a purple looking demon.

"You're in the room that you'll be using for your meeting with Dr. Freud, Prince Vegeta," answered the one-eyed demon sitting in the chair. "I'm Oni."

"Fine, Oni bring Freud out here so I can get this thing over with, I have better things to do." Vegeta turned to survey the room once more checking the room for any possible danger. 

"Vegeta don't be so rude," admonished Bulma. She turned to Oni. "Please bring out Dr. Freud when you're ready."

"Woman, I don't believe I asked for you to interfere," growled her irate mate in her direction. "I gave my directive as I saw fit."

"Well, your directive was exceedingly rude," yelled back an equally upset Bulma.

Oni stood between the two spouses. He hated dealing with people who were alive. But he especially hated dealing with Prince Vegeta and his consort. He'd seen some of the deadly battles they got into when he had to run errands at Dende's place. "Prince Vegeta, before Dr. Freud gets here could you please sign this document." He held out the white sheet of paper.

Bulma walked forward and took the official looking document out of Oni's hand. "What's this?" She began silently reading it to herself. She wasn't going to let Vegeta sign anything without her getting a chance to read it first. 

Vegeta silently walked up behind his mate to read the document over her shoulder. "An official waiver," he announced after quickly scanning the whole page. "It seems King Enma doesn't want to be held responsible in case something goes wrong."

Bulma looked up at her husband's face her blue eyes momentarily clouded with worry. What am I worried about, she thought to herself. Nothing's going to happen to Vegeta. I should be worried about Dr. Freud instead. She silently smirked to herself, "Go ahead and sign it Vegeta."

"I already did," came the prompt reply from Vegeta who was now seated on the red leather sofa. "That demon servant went to go get the good doctor." He leaned back against the putting his arms behind his head as he watched his mate stand in the middle of the floor looking like a lost waif. 

"Oh," blushed Bulma looking down at her empty hand. "You could have said something instead of leaving me in the middle of the room." She stormed over to sit down next to her husband.

Vegeta shrugged. He felt her body instantly snuggled against his masculine lines as she sat down next to him. If they were at home he knew she wouldn't hesitate for a moment to lean her head against him. "You look like you were having private thoughts I didn't want to interrupt. It's so rare that you do think, that I didn't want to stop you."

"Hmm." Bulma leaned her teal head back against the sofa after she adjusted her position to snuggle Vegeta's hard lines. He smelled good. He always smelled so masculine, even when he worked out. The stench that came from him was a manly sweat, that always caused her heart to flip-flop. "I wonder if that's a side affect from bonding?" she questioned aloud.

Vegeta shifted his position slightly and felt her body move with his. "What is?"

"Sweat," answered Bulma as she curled her feet beneath her. "Your sweat."

Vegeta glanced down at her and decided against asking what she meant and closed his eyes. There are some things he resolved to himself, he just didn't want to know about.

****

*********************************************************

Unbeknownst to Vegeta and Bulma a figured listened and watched from at he tiny camera hidden in the top corner of the room. "Yes, he is going to be an interesting person to talk with. I can see that he has deep seated libido problems," spoke the voice in a thickly accented German. "I'm going to like talking with Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans."

Oni softly knocked on the door where Dr. Freud was waiting. "He's waiting for you Dr. Freud."

Freud turned around and smiled. "As am I _mein_ purple friend."

=====================================================================

End Part II. Created [04/13/01] and Finished [04/19/01]. I actually didn't mean to make this more than 2 parts, but I'm notorious for procrastinating on small fics. So, I didn't want this hanging over my shoulder while I worked on other stories. But part III will have the final showdown. E-mail me with any questions, criticisms, comments, and yes, flames at: [pmchivas@hotmail.com][1] Dark Shadow Princess. All standard disclaimers apply. 

   [1]: mailto:pmchivas@hotmail.com



	3. Part III

Vegeta vs. Freud

__

Part III

The slim figure wearing a forest green and black suit rounded one corner heading toward the room where he would begin his practice after being dead for several centuries. He was excited the person waiting to be analyzed was royalty and from an alien race. Oh, the progressions mankind has done. He rubbed his hands together. Jung is going to be so jealous. Standing in front the oak door Dr. Sigmund Freud took a deep breath, and twisted the handle to let him inside.

"You're late," called Vegeta opening his black eyes as the doctor walked into the room shutting the door behind him with a solid click.

"Sorry, Prince Vegeta," said Freud in thick accent as he sat down in the big green winged green chair. "This palace is huge and I had an up most arduous time trying to follow the directions of that violet colored demon," he lied smoothly.

Vegeta snorted. "Fine. Let's just get on with it. I have other things to do."

Bulma opened her sleepy eyes upon hearing the deep voice of her husband. "Dr. Sigmund Freud," she whispered underneath her breath. "I can't believe it."

Freud cleared his throat. "All right. But before we go on would introduce me to the beautiful young woman."

"Beautiful woman," snorted Vegeta. "When I see her I'll introduce her to you."

Bulma flushed a bright red hue. "Vegeta!" she hissed at him. "He's talking about me."

"But he said beautiful," he objected with a hint of smile in his voice. "He didn't say ugly loud-mouthed woman."

"Vegeta!"

"Fine," sighed Vegeta as he looked toward the perplexed doctor. "This is my annoying mate Bulma Briefs, current CEO and genius of Capsule Corporation."

"Nice to meet you Frau Brief," said Freud as he nodded his head at the young woman. Another interesting piece to his puzzle.

"Dr. Freud," she answered in a breathless voice. "I'm honored to meet you. Please it would be my pleasure for you to call me Bulma." I can't believe it she thought to herself. I'm sitting in room with Doctor Sigmund Freud. 

Freud smiled at the young woman and watched a nice coloring flood into her face along with her answering smile. She really was a beautiful woman if he was a few centuries younger he would be tempted. Very tempted.

The Saiyajin prince watched the glances shooting between his mate and the doctor. He didn't like those looks at all. The doctor was giving his mate a look that he would like to have her as a main course. Vegeta growled possessively when the doctor turned his way. "Strike one."

"What," asked Freud nervously he was asked by both King Enma and Oni not to anger the young prince. "I do not understand. What is 'strike one'?"

Vegeta pierced the doctor with blazing black eyes. "You understand just fine _Doctor_. Don't make me spell it out for you."

Bulma glanced between the two men and thought she saw some secret male message that she wasn't privy to pass among them.

Freud pulled on his vest and pulled out his pocket watch to glance at the time. "Yes, well let's get started." He pulled out his notebook. "It says here Prince Vegeta that your mode of employment is warrior." He looked up. "Is that correct?"

"Yes, that's correct." Vegeta nodded. Damn this was boring he'd had more fun watching his brat play with Kakkarot's younger brat. And this was just the beginning. "What about it?"

Freud shifted into a comfortable position. "I find it very interesting that you chose a position as a warrior given your high station as a prince."

"I didn't choose to be a fighter," replied Vegeta. "My race is a warrior race; it is in our blood, and even if I didn't want to be a soldier the tyrannical bastard that I grew up with made me into a solider."

"This 'tyrannical bastard' that you grew up with, was he constantly ordering you around?" Freud crossed is legs as he prepared to dive into the subconscious brain of Vegeta.

"Yes, he gave me orders, but I didn't have to obey any of them." Vegeta shrugged nonchalantly. "I just chose not to argue with him."

"But you did follow his orders, yes?"

"Yes."

"Was this person your father perhaps?"

"No."

Freud stroked his mustache. "Very interesting." He scribbled some notes down on the yellow legal pad in his lap.

"Do you have something Dr. Freud," asked Bulma breaking into the conversation unable to keep quiet. Her excitement had been rising as she watched his hands fly across the notepad that he carried like a skilled artisan.

Freud nodded to the girl. "Yes. From the write-up that Prince Vegeta submitted when he entered the contest I say that he is suffering from a severally deprived libido."

"Deprived what?" yelled Vegeta getting to his feet his fist poised to strike. "You better hope that 'libido' means something other than what I think it means."

Bulma gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Vegeta may be suffering from several things, Dr. Freud, but a 'deprived libido' _is_ _not_ one of them." The blush came back to her cheeks. "Trust me Vegeta's libido is just fine." As far as she knew Vegeta had a healthy appetite, sometimes too healthy for even her.

Freud gave Bulma an indulgent smile. "If you would please sit down Prince Vegeta I will explain." He watched as Vegeta flopped unceremoniously back down in his seat. "Maybe I should start explaining my theory to you and your wife." The doctor began shuffling through several papers until he found the one he was looking for. He leaned forward, "But I do have one more question."

Vegeta glared at the doctor he wasn't pleased at all that his pre-diagnosis said he was having intimacy issues. "Fine, ask away."

The Austrian doctor cleared his throat, "Well, it's about your mother."

The prince growled, "What about my mother?"

Freud scratched his chin with his pen leaving a streak of black ink on his face, as he considered the delicate way to ask about the prince's mother. "Did you know your mother at all?"

Vegeta hesitated before he nodded no. What did his mother have to do with any of this? "I don't know what my mother has to do with your prognosis as she died when I was a small child."

"I see," said Freud as he jotted down more notes on his notepad. "This is the most quintessential case of deprived libido that I've ever encountered."

"What do you mean 'quintessential case?' questioned Vegeta getting angrier.

"Well, it seems that you've been stunted in your libido Prince Vegeta," replied Freud as he looked down at his notes.

Vegeta held up a hand, "Before you go any further can you define your definition of libido. Obviously we are thinking different than your interpretation."

"Oh," said the Austrian doctor as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "I don't think so, you're in denial right now, Vegeta. But if you prefer I will confirm what you are thinking and hiding from." He uncrossed and re-crossed his legs. "My definition of libido is the sex dive."

Vegeta saw red. How dare this 'psychologist' say that he had a stunted sexual drive. Or to say that he was stunted in anyway. "I'll give you one minute to take back what you just said, or you'll be joining the dead again _doctor_."

"Hold it," said Bulma pushing Vegeta back down on the cerise sofa. "Vegeta at least listen to what he has to say. This is interesting."

"STUNTED LIBIDO!!" Vegeta was seething with rage. He turned his blazing eyes toward his mate, "What the hell did you write about me, woman!"

"Well, hmm, not much, nothing to get upset about," skirted Bulma as she succeeded in pushing him back down. She tried placating him to get his normal scowl back in place, "I don't really agree to that prognosis, but let's at least hear what Dr. Freud had to say."

"Fine," said Vegeta as he plopped back down. "He'll live to explain his absurd concept." He smirked staring at the sweating doctor, "After that, who knows?"

Freud breathed in a calming breath. He shakily dug into the pocket of his jacket, brought out a lace handkerchief, and mopped the little sweat beads across his prominent forehead. "Thank you, Frau Bulma." He turned to Vegeta. "I didn't mean to upset you Prince Vegeta, but I have to say that you are the best case that I have come across alive or dead that proves my theory of 'Stunted Libido.'"

Confusion shone from Bulma's blue eyes. "What do you mean proves your theory. I don't remember reading anything about the 'Stunted Libido' theory."

Freud nodded his gray head at her. "That is correct, madam. I was working on this theory when I died, and it never got published I hadn't even discussed it with my colleges yet. But now that I am alive for the day, I can use your husband to prove my theory."

"Enough nonsense," interrupted Vegeta. "Explain this theory now!"

"Right," replied Freud as he shifted back toward his impatient patient. "The Stunted Libido theory stems from, the most powerful force in the body: the sex drive. Men and women, countries, and worlds have been brought down by the craving of the sex drive." 

Vegeta nodded his head. This was turning out to be something he could relate to. He had to put his own training on the back burner while he had to deal with his body overwhelming need to mate with Bulma. "Proceed."

Freud leaned back and pulled out a special cigar from the inside of his green jacket. He was going to need this to finish the rest of the session. Lighting it up he drew in and prepared to delve deep into his diagnosis. "Vegeta, the libido can bring great heartache, and great pleasure. From your facial features I can see yours has brought you more heartache than pleasure."

"Excuse me!" said Bulma as she shot up from the sofa. "Do you mean having sex with me has been a great displeasure to Vegeta?"

Freud turned to her and nodded carefully. "Vegeta thinks he's deriving pleasure from your body, but his libido isn't fully able to. Please, sit down, I'll explain it all in a minute."

Bulma's brow and mouth twitched but she kept quiet as she flopped down on the cushion. Which Vegeta found amazing since he could feel the cold fury flaring up around her like ki.

"As I was saying," said Freud mildly perturbed about being interrupted when he was getting to the meat of his theory. "When I asked the prince if he knew his mother he said 'no' and that 'she died when he was young.' This is where stunted libido problems begin." He puffed out a stream of smoke. "Because our prince had no mother he wasn't socialized in his libido properly."

"What do you mean I wasn't socialized in my libido properly? And what does my mother have to do with this?" demanded the angry saiyan prince as leaned forward shaking a fist.

"Your mother Vegeta," said Freud totally relaxed now by the special cigar. "She would have been the one to bathe or caress you, therefore she would have been the one to awaken your sense of sexual desire. Since you didn't have a mother you weren't properly awakened."

"Properly awakened?" echoed Vegeta as he gazed at the doctor. "That's disgusting! You're saying in order not be stunted my mother had to bathe me, and arouse a sense of desire inside of me!"

"Yes," replied Freud lazily. "But it doesn't end there, the next person to have socially awakened your libido should have been your father, however from your own response, and what has been written in your contest entry, you weren't reared by your father. Therefore the chance for your libido to fully grow was stopped." He closed his eyes as he breathed in from the 'cigar' again. "Instead of being gently raised you became a warrior, although warriors have passion you didn't have the right kind of passion within you, because your libido lay dormant. Taking this in I would have to surmise that you had to latch onto something else to become..." He opened his eyes to glance down at the papers in his lap. Shifting through them he found the contest entry paper. "Ahh, yes it is "the greatest Saiyan warrior that had ever lived."

Vegeta lifted a brow at Bulma.

She smiled in return.

"However," continued Freud as he leaned back once again. "I don't believe you were the greatest Saiyan to ever live."

"NANI!!!," yelled Vegeta trying to come to feet but Bulma pulled him back by his leather vest.

"Oh, you have the passion of a warrior," said Freud. "But you don't have _the passion_, because your libido has been stunted."

Vegeta scoffed. "I have all the passion that I need."

Freud lifted a white eyebrow. "Really, Prince Vegeta?" He glanced back down at the paper. "Could you name me a few of your favorite attacks."

"Sure, why not," sneered Vegeta. "There is: Big Bang, Final Flash, and Rapture."

"Rapture?" asked Bulma turning toward her husband.

"That's a new one I've been working on, and I finally perfected," he answered with a smile on his face. "It summons up several lances of ki to shoot, penetrating the person with long shafts." His smiled turned superior. "I can't wait to show it to Kakkarot. I'll thrust every last penetrating rod into his body."

"See," said the Austrian doctor breaking into Vegeta's vengeful musings. "Your attacks are named after sexual slang terms. Big Bang, Final Flash, and Rapture are all part of some sexual desire that is trying to awaken inside your body." He leaned forward excitedly, "And obviously this Kakkarot who is mentioned a lot on your contest form--and to whom most of your energy is directed--is the one who can fully awaken your stunted libido!"

Vegeta onyx eyes widen in shocked. Then he let out a feral growl. "Strike two and three!" He got up from the red sofa.

"Wait," said Bulma as leaned forward. "Son-kun, err, Kakkarot is the one to bring out my husband's stunted libido. Why? And why not me?"

"Because Frau Bulma," Freud leaned over and stamped his cigar out. He was hungry. "The prince doesn't really find you sexually attractive. But I do. His mind finds you attractive, but his stunted libido doesn't! His mother didn't awaken him, his foster father turned him into a warrior, instead of giving him the proper attention that he needed. And by the time he met with maturity he was so filled with rage, that caused further damage to his little libido." Freud looked up and smiled at the towering enraged Vegeta, and then turned back to Bulma. "Then we have Vegeta's denial that he is stunted, his own body knows what's wrong and how to fix it, but Vegeta didn't want to listen, so he latched himself onto you hoping that your body could fix it for him. But having intercourse with you hasn't helped! Just look at him all red in the face glowing with anger. He knows that I speak the truth: sex with you is no fun. However it would be with me." He turned back to Vegeta. "You need to get whoever Kakkarot is to help you sexually unwind, and unleash the passion within you."

Vegeta smiled and then held out a hand and let several rapid ki blasts into the doctor leaving behind a charred corpse. He lowered his arm. "And in case your wondering Freud. I call that attack: Prince Vegeta Kicked Dr. Sigmund Frued's Stunted Libido Ass!" He turned to see Bulma's shocked expression. "What?"

Bulma rose from the sofa still in shock. She glanced between the corpse that use to be Dr. Freud and to her smirking husband. "You killed Dr. Freud!" She marched over and smacked him in the side of his head. "You bastard!"

"What," said Vegeta rubbing his abused head. "Like you didn't see that one coming. His constant hitting on you. His ludicrous idea that I would need Kakkarot to unleash my 'ultimate passion' inside me. Stunted libido."

Bulma shook her head and turned toward the door. "Those were no reasons at all. Most of Dr. Freud's theories were debunked in later years." She stormed out the room and down the hallway toward the giant palace doors where they came in. She kept her back to him even as they reached the outside. "This was supposed to be a glance at live history. I can't take you anywhere. You've ruined our quality time again." She turned to him held her arms out with a smirk. "I guess I'll have to take you home to bathe and caress you."

Vegeta scowl turned to a smirk as he pulled his mate into his arms. He looked down at her in his arms, as they blazed toward Capsule Corp. and smiled. "Damn, quality time." 

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Finis. Part III. Created [04/19/01] and Finished [09/28/01]. Well, that's my ending to my Vegeta vs. Freud fanfic. I know it wasn't that funny, and I should stick to writing dramatic A/U fics. But hey, at least I tried. ^^;;; Okay, send them to me: flames, critiques, comments, and questions. (Although I expect more flames) at: pmchivas@hotmail.com or if you prefer leave me a message. Dark Shadow Princess.

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Lunatics Ravings:

Yes, I know Freud never had a theory called "Stunted Libido" I just made that up. 

And yes, I also know that Freud did cocaine, instead of weed. That's if you didn't catch the 'special cigar' part. 

And yes, I also know that "Rapture," isn't an official attack of Vegeta's. But it was listed under 'ecstasy' in the Thesaurus.

And finally yes, I know this fic made absolutely no sense. 

Ripper at least it wasn't penis envy. O_o


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